Please allow me to entertain you with a brief appetiser before we haul in the main course. Google, by now one of the most famous tech companies of history, is known for many things. They have revolutionised the way we use the Internet, and admirably continue to do so. They have provided free email and cloud-based storage space for the unwashed masses. An operating system largely of Google’s design is powering a vast number of the computing devices that link us all together in a vast network where we can all harness the greatest achievements of the human mind, and learn, grow, and evolve, as we stumble through the darkness, together.
In short, you would never expect Google to be comprised of a bunch of sadistic fucking shitheads who take pleasure in completely ruining a promising podcast. Yet, that is exactly what happened yesterday. At least, I am reserving the freedom to think so. Evidence and more copious swearing coming your way after the break.
Now, as you might remember, we had announced S1E3 of “Open Crowd Source” as an episode for which Gareth would be absent. In his stead, we would invite two very special guests: Shawn Mills of “Infamous Quests” and Brian “Demodulated” Devins of the podcast “Square Waves FM”. Things seemed to be off to smashing start. The Open Crowd Source Machine had been patched up after last week’s bugfest, Troels, Brian, Shawn and I all seemed to get along well, the IRC channel was buzzing with activity, and so it was with a great sense of anticipation that I hit the “Start broadcast” button.
Shortly after which the stream crashed, and kicked everyone off faster than you can say “Don’t be evil”. Chaos and confusion ensued; I had Troels on the phone, begging him to create a new Hangout, as I was too busy clenching my buttocks to avoid shitting myself. We eventually all managed to reconnect, shaken, but ready to do a second pass. With one noticeable exception. Hangouts was not letting Shawn connect under any circumstances.
As a plan B, we persuaded Bianca, Brian’s wife, to join us on her husband’s cam. A severely sleep-deprived Gareth – newly returned from Germany – turned up as well, figuring we might need his assistance, being one guest short. To his credit, Shawn, with whom I was able to chat as all this went down, was cool with this development, though he did demand that he be reimbursed with – and I quote – “tits”.
Never mind the fact that we knew we’d have to disappoint the poor guy on that count too. We restarted the stream, now with one more guest than we had planned on. And things did not end there. In the middle of the intro, Shawn was finally able to land a perfect roundhouse kick in Google’s colourful testes as he appeared before our eyes, like some sort of indie adventuring messiah. It only required two different browsers and a lot of swearing.
What followed was a slightly messy, but extremely fun, brainstorm about an adventure game in which an East German antiquarian steps into a West German dreamworld, in which he must reunite two families who are feuding over their magnificent, waxed moustaches. Tubas are involved, as is noisy self-pleasuring, perhaps in combination.
In short, despite the initial clusterfuck, we wound up with a true “Open Crowd Source” experience. You can experience the end result on YouTube:
Thank you once again to everyone who joined us on the stream, as well as on the IRC channel, and thank you for reading so much self-gratifying drivel. The next episode of “Open Crowd Source” will feature Serena Nelson and Jess Morrissette, with whom we will be bantering wittily on Sunday September 13, at 2 PM EDT. A formal announcement should reach y’all shortly.
Frederik “time to get back under the covers for the next round!” Olsen